An Exercise in Gratitude

So what am I up to?

It’s funny you know sometimes fate has its way of surprising you. I found work in the most unconventional way. I teach kids to write. I’m an English teacher for an ESL academy. It’s been two weeks and it still feels surreal. And when I still think about it, I still couldn’t help but get teary-eyed; it’s almost dreamlike.

I’m in my late twenties and I have this emptiness that has been bugging me for the longest time. No matter what I do, no matter how happy I get, I still get depressed.  I’ve been miserable all my life that no matter how hard I try to fight it, I always fail at it, miserably.

I went to mass a few weeks ago. I didn’t know what has gotten into me that I asked, really asked and prayed so hard that I get the teaching position I’m applying for. And I got it.

Madison; 10

“My happiest moment so far in the academy is writing class. I like writing class because of the new teacher. She is very kind and she listens to me when I speak. When I study with her, I feel excited and she is a very good writer. I think I can learn many things in writing class.” This is from Madison's journal entry, one of my brightest students (add very brat too).  

Amanda; 12
My most improved student :)

It’s been two weeks of journal checking, book and movie reviews. It’s been two weeks of nerve-wracking deadlines and lesson plans. Yes, two weeks that I’ve been a teacher, but still haven’t thought that I had it in me. 

And to cap off a very productive two weeks: 

Unbelievably cheap books which I bought last Friday.
All four books for only P150! I love you, Powerbooks sale! 

A visit to Lola. 

The song “Hand in my Pocket” depicts exactly how I’m feeling right now. Yeah, I’m lost but I’m hopeful, baby. :)

Things I Love: Fridays And Some

If you happen to be a reader of this blog, you’ll notice that I’ve reverted back to its old template which is white. I’ve been doing a lot of cleaning (and throwing out junk I don’t need—this is literally and metaphorically) and since I want everything to be spotless and immaculate, hence. Plus, I’m obsessed with anything white. But if you know me well, there’s a slight chance I might be changing it, maybe if I get depressed again. :p

I created this blog almost a year ago to showcase artsy-fartsy stuff; but haven’t been posting a single artwork. I know, forgive the laziness. And the only time I get to be artistically driven is when I’m desolate and afflicted. Yes, I’ve got a little of Van Gogh Syndrome (which happens to be my favorite painter too, btw). Except of course for the self-mutilation! Soon, maybe? (I mean to create a work of art! Ha-ha!)

It’s Friday and I’m in love! I’m aware of how cheesy it is. But usually, my Friday night means I get to binge on chocolates (okay, maybe just a little bar will do). And some things I’m loving right now. :)

My Laundry Companion: SURF Liquid Detergent

It’s a hard working liquid laundry detergent and it’s keeping the sniffles at bay. Cheap and effective!

My Miracle Workers: Olive Oil + Vitamin E Caplets

I have a C- section scar on my bikini line. It’s been a year and the scar has been breaking up (it’s started to flatten and soften already). Thank you my miracle workers! It’s all natural and void of any harmful chemicals.

My Running Shoes

I never thought I’d truly enjoy jogging. Because I’m asthmatic and a total klutz, I’ve never given it much thought (and I find it dreadfully boring). But it changed a few months back and I think I’m getting the hang of it. I love my running shoes because it’s keeping me fit and because my Mom gave them to me.

My Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

I’ve been looking for this kind of swimsuit for the longest time. I love anything retro! It’s got dots and stripes, a ruffle triangle top, on sale (20% off) and my size (size 0! Yay! I’m getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight, hooray!)!

My feel good song; because I just can’t help but smile. Yes, I’m always in love on a Friday night. Happy Friday, everyone! :)

Just Don't Stay in Bed Being Useless

I miss the days that I get to blog everyday. I miss blogging and taking photos of the kids and random things that I see. I miss status-whoring in FB but I feel I’m too boring to say something requisitely amusing. For the past couple of months all I’ve been posting are hostile rants.

See for yourself. :p



I seldom go out, it’s usually thrice a month tops and when I do, it’s with friends and the hubby. The only person I get to have an intellectually stimulating conversation on a daily basis is with my eldest son (because of his insane questions which prompts my brain to think). I haven’t been finishing up a novel in a week which is very unusual because most of the time I can finish up a paperback novel in a day. And my grammar is getting rusty.

I feel I’m getting dumber everyday.

I stopped blabbering and did something about it.

• Read. And so I read, reading almost everything from shampoo bottles to milk containers. I try my best to finish up a novel at least once a week. My eldest and I read together. I read to my youngest child. I read during movie marathons by turning on subtitles. I still read the dictionary sometimes and some old psychology books. I scrutinize food labels, nutritional information and calorie content. I read whenever an opportunity presents itself.
• Write. Even when I’m not blogging, I still write in my journal. I write letters and small notes to hubby and my eldest child. I keep in touch with old friends by sending letters and emails. I write my prayers which I do almost every single day.
• Talk and go out every once in a while. I started talking to sensible people. I’m not a big talker. I’m more of a listener and observer. The only time I get to talk and blabber nonstop is when I’m with my sister and the hubby. But I have a habit of asking questions. Almost all of my friends are working. Some of them I get to see every week and I make it a point to talk to them asking everything from the controversial RH Bill to stressful workloads and even senseless questioning about boys’ night out, hookers and condoms. It’s good to immerse yourself in rational conversations once in a while and even the not so ones. And because it’s so much fun to talk and be with your closest friends after a week-long pain in the ass workload, plain and simple.
• Get physical. I’ve been losing a lot of the post-pregnancy weight gain and getting back to my usual weight. To quote Franz Kafka from The Metamorphosis; “Just don’t stay in bed being useless.” --has been my morning mantra for the past couple of months. Physical exercise is good for our general health; it makes us fit, improves our ability to relax, speeds up learning and improves blood flow to the brain. A healthy mind dwells in a healthy body indeed. 

In between floor wiping, scrubbing pots and pans and doing the dirty laundry; I try to read, write, talk and go out with friends every once in a while. And if all else fails I resort to the good old adage; Mind over Matter mantra. I’m not getting dumber. I’m not getting dumber. Hhhhmmm... And it’s working already. Haha.  



Breakfast in bed for Mom's Day!

Sustainable Beauty: By Nature Handmade Soaps’ Baby Salve

My skin’s been acting strange lately and has been in its worst state for the past couple of weeks. It’s severely drying out, and when I say, drying out, it’s almost like I have skin dandruff, especially around the eye, nose and mouth area (good thing I don’t have acne breakout). I’m certain my skin’s breaking out due to stress or whether if I already have a skin disease (e.g. Psoriasis or skin asthma), the latter, I’m not so sure of. But you get the picture, my skin condition is really that bad and it’s not an exaggeration.

I ran out of organic stash and since I’ve been so busy lately, I can’t squeeze in time to buy my supplies online (as you know, most organic products are not readily available at our local stores). I live in the southern part of Metro Manila; we have a physical store at a nearby mall but they don’t carry BNHMS products. I switched to Celeteque moisturizer, thinking my skin built an immunity of some sort to organic cosmetics; hence the “not working anymore” part. But even the gentlest moisturizer has been drying it out. And so it seems that my skin’s reacting to non-organic products and developed some kind of a super sensitivity to chemical-laden cosmetics even if it’s labeled “hypo-allergenic”.

Luckily, my friend Jen brought me to Mercato Centrale in The Fort a week ago and I was almost jumping for joy when I saw a booth selling my HG moisturizer. My head was literally spinning around. I’ve been using this balm for a good three years and here’s what I got to say about why up to now, I’m still in love with BNHMS’s Baby Salve.

It’s 100% organic. It’s chemical-free. And it’s cheap compared to VMV’s Booboo Balm (approximately P200). It’s a multi-purpose salve that can be used for most baby concerns like nappy rash, insect bites, eczema, dry patches and even small cuts and booboos. Plus it’s my HG night cream.

When my skin is drying out real bad, I use this to soften up the rough spots. It’s a staple in my stash and it’s been my night cream for three-years now. It’s sticky considering that most of its ingredients are organic oils, but when applied in front of a fan or in an air-conditioned room, it easily absorbs in the skin (if you have oily skin, you can’t use it as a day moisturizer because it would surely make you look like a sweaty grease ball). It’s a great barrier balm sans the chemicals. It dries up my pimples and gives me that glowing glow upon waking up when used as a night cream. A colleague of mine asked me long before if I’m taking any Glutathione supplements and if I have a regular facial session with a dermatologist. Yep, that good and it’s working for me.

And Why Alcohol Drinking is bad for Your Health

So what are the other culprits; besides stress, laundry detergents and chemical-laden cosmetics? Apparently, my skin has also turned acidic. I didn’t notice not until the night I’ve cried for almost three-hour tops and saw the horror the following morning. The skin under my eyes has been burnt with my tears! It’s the stress and too much alcohol drinking. Listen to your mother. Drink moderately or better yet (if you have extra sensitive skin like me), don’t drink at all. Errrr, I’m back to being annoyingly boring. Damn.

**I’ve noticed that BNHMS’s products tend to spoil easily—their balm, sunscreen, body butter and oil lotion (well, almost all 100% organic products tend to; this is a good thing though if you want the assurance that you’re getting its purest and safest ingredients). I store them up in the fridge in a separate container so it would last a bit longer. **

Etude House Moistfull Collagen BB Balm Compact SPF 42/PA++

What it claims:

Packaging says it has whitening and anti-wrinkle benefits. It’s a BB cream, sunscreen and foundation all in one. It’s a balm so it has a cream to powder consistency.

What I love about it:

It’s Paraben-free.

High SPF-- SPF 42/PA++

It’s cheap (costs around P800++), considering its multi-purpose benefits.

Buildable-- it conceals freckles and dark under eye circles when blended properly.  

Readily available since it can be bought at our local malls.

No white cast when photographed under natural light.

It’s dewy, light and has no cakey feel.

SPF42, baby!

What I don’t:

It’s not organic.

It sets on dry skin.

Like most BB creams/MU with sunscreen,

 you’ll look ghostly when photographed with flash

 (but it can be remedied with a good setting powder).    

I hate how the packaging is so bulky and orangey.

It’s limited to two shades.

I’m a bit wary on buying cosmetics because I have sensitive skin. Unless the product is organic or has to be Paraben-free and is not tested on animals, I’m not buying. Amplifying your sunscreen when the summer heat is scorching hot is the best thing you could do for your skin. And this is the primary reason why I bought this compact—because of its high SPF/PA++. Who wouldn’t want a BB cream, foundation and sunscreen all in one application? It’s money and time-wise; I’m sold.

I immediately bought it when I was completely sure that I’ve scrutinized its list of ingredients. It’s not organic but it’s Paraben-free and Etude House doesn't test on animals. I’m a bit guilty here, but I just need it for a limited time only—just this summer. I’ve been using this for almost two weeks now, so far, I haven’t been experiencing any breakouts. I have dry skin so I have to moisturize prior to applying it. I’m not used to applying non-organic cosmetics anymore, so I don’t know if this is just psychosomatic, but it stings a bit when applied on my skin, especially on the driest parts of my face (around the eye/nose/mouth and forehead), so I always make sure to apply the Baby Salve first as some sort of a barrier protection and it’s pretty much working. I top the BB balm off with a setting powder and it’s good to last for a good 6-hr with no touch-ups (this depends on what itineraries you’ve planned for a day, so let’s say you’re planning to have a midday stroll under this summer heat, don’t expect it to last long).         

The balm was applied just on the right side of my face for comparison.

Here’s what it looks like when applied and blended:

  I’ve used BNHMS’s Baby Salve to moisturize

 my face prior to applying the BB balm.   

Here’s what it looks like

 when topped off with a setting powder:

See how it concealed my under-eye circles?

 It also did a great job in covering

 up my freckles. Yey!     

I can’t be sure on the whitening and anti-ageing part because I’m not using this every day and I don’t intend to use it for a long time. When summer’s over, I’m back to using MMU again, so I guess I’ll just skip the part where I have to give an advice whether it makes the skin lighter or smoother in any way, because personally, I think sunscreen and avoiding the sun is all you’ll ever need to protect your skin from ageing which is close to impossible in our country. But then again, Oh well, the things you would do for vanity.

On Frilly Hats and Series of Unfortunate Events

I haven’t been myself lately and there were series of unfortunate events AKA reasons for my long online absence. Not to mention that summer is officially here. It’s been twice since we’ve gone off to the beach. Say hello to the scorching heat of the summer sun (and to my sun freaking spots, which by the way, every summer, continues to breed on its own)! :)

So exactly what are those reasons?

Okay, let me start off with February. We celebrated Polie’s 1^st birthday with our closest friends and of course our family (unfortunately for me, it was just Pao’s family). I won’t be elaborating anymore on what exactly had happened, but let’s just say that it was not a typical birthday party you’d expect to see (but what’s typical nowadays, anyway?). I’m just glad it’s over, at least for this year.

I seriously love this pic even if I look so enormous here.
L-R: Bor, Funch, Jap, Jen & Beachie

Happy Birthday, Polie! 



My March was one hell of a roller coaster ride. Not to mention what a crazy week I had when we were on a beach trip with our closest friends (well, because something annoyingly bitchy has happened right before we took off from the airport). But it was a blessing in disguise, really. It has caused me great pain but I’m grateful it happened because it was an indication who I should be sticking with (and it was just plain common sense! Sometimes I really hate myself for being so stupid). I’m thankful because in times that I feel lost and needed a friend, they were there, our friends. Never fails.

w/ Funch and Jen, before we took off.
Do I look good in this stress?

Puka love!

Our last sunset.
 Boracay is love. And Boracay is so not overrated. 



Bye pristine white sand &
 crystal blue waters.
 See you again next year! :)

To top it off, a concert with Mr. Scott Weiland! Stone Temple Pilots in the flesh, a dream come true for hubby dearest. Suffice it to say, he fits in the generation when Stone Temple Pilots was Stone Temple Pilots. He grew up listening to the band (when rock music was still about Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll), so just imagine how ecstatic he was when Scott belted out those eerie notes. It was one hell of a night and Scott is still amazingly so hot.

Big Bang Baby! ♥

03.09.2011:
 It isn't you, isn't me. Search for things you can't see.
 Going blind, out of reach. Somewhere in the Vaseline.

I didn’t expect that housework would exhaust the shit out of me, seriously. It’s been a month that I’ve been doing our dirty laundry and keeping our home spic and span (which is something I’m particularly proud of; and that with the exception of ironing clothes, because I just sucked at it). We decided to lay off a househelp (it was Manang, to be precise) mainly due to financial reasons. We want to cut down certain expenses such as, of course, that would be the obvious, and then comes the electricity/water/food consumption. You see, when you’re a mom and when you do the budgeting yourself, every single peso is accountable. I’ve been a budget-maven for the past couple of months. And sometimes I just hate it when I get too frugal. And I know hubby hates it too.

But it’s just so fun that even if I find it so darn hard, I can’t let go of it. I know how laundry detergents trigger my asthma attacks, not to mention that I have sensitive skin and I’m allergic to detergents and cleaning aides, in which, I’ve suffered a severe face rash on the onset of my housekeeping fiasco. Or how I would get panic attacks when I’m deliriously tired from cleaning and scrubbing dirty floors. I enjoyed it so much, that even at the end of the day, when I still have to cook a decent dinner and clean our bathroom upstairs, I can still smile and say with grace, I’m genuinely happy.

Because I just can’t. And because I’m still losing weight even if I pigout on junkfood in the middle of the night and Polie’s gaining weight already because I’m too OC that I still have to prepare a separate fat-free, oil-free, organic munchies for him and because I just love the smell of our home when I do all the cleaning myself. How could I let go of that? See, if you know me well, you know that I just can’t.

Off for some R&R with my sisters, errr, I mean a sister and a brother.

A Quick Update: 100 Day Photo Challenge Day 8-18

My brother does the most silliest smile.

 Or was it the scariest? Never fails.

Day 8
A picture that makes you laugh

Well of course.

Highest of high. Lowest of low. 

Day 9
A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most 

From eyebrow shaving to Nestea Iced Tea plunge. 

Day 10
A picture of the person you do
 the most messed up things with

Pet Peeve: Clutter

Day 11
A picture of something you hate source

Plastic free shopping. It's every Earth child's dream.

Day 12
A picture of something you love

My all time favorite. And because I love Brandon Boyd too. 

Day 13
A picture of your favorite band or artist

Day 14
A picture of someone you could
 never imagine your life without

I'm shit scared of heights.

 I want to do this before I die. 

Day 15
A picture of something you want to do before you die source

Because you inspire me so much.

 To cook, to love and most importantly; to write.

Day 16
A picture of someone who inspires you 

Day 17
A picture of something that has made
a huge impact on your life recently

I still want to.

Day 18
A picture of your biggest insecurity