I ♥ You To Bits, Kaia Dearest

Tagaytay: Bag of Beans yr10

"I could never afford to lose you; you’re so different from the others.

You’re not weird, you’re just uniquely different."

These were the words that made me cry, hard, last night.

I was having "those" episodes again. I don't know if it's PMS, but I was feeling overly low last night. If you know me that well, you should know that I still have this one big regret in my life—that is, not finishing a degree I badly covet. I wanted to take up Fine Arts and because I got pregnant at an unripe age of 16, I never had that chance to pursue it. Well actually I almost had, but then, I got pregnant, again.

I was saving up and looking for art schools around the metro last year, so eager and full of hope that I could finally go back to school, to learn, study and do what I've always wanted. But sometimes fate has its own cruel way of putting things together. It slapped me with a cold-harsh reality that I need to wake up from a deep slumber. Reality rain check.

I still want to pursue that dream, I need to pursue it.

For the longest time, thinking about it makes me cry. For the longest time, when I still think about it, it leaves a hollow emptiness that lingers deep inside me. The feeling is painful, intense and wounding.

I still want it.

I was crying last night when Tatay told me something that would obsess me for the rest of my life.

T: The first time I saw you, I immediately told to myself—this is the girl I want to marry, I want to spend my lifetime loving her.

Isn't that creepy? He barely knows me.

The first time he saw me, I was still hairless. I used to wear a bonnet because I can't tolerate the air-conditioning in our office floor running in full blast or probably because I had little hair, that’s why. Yes, he fell in love with a bald girl who dresses like a malnourished emo kid.

And then all of a sudden, he said something like this:

“I could never afford to lose you; you’re so different from the others.

You’re not weird, you’re just uniquely different.”

I froze.

My hubby would always complain why I have to be so different.

Not last night.

He actually said it and embraced me so tightly that he never wants to let go of me.

T: You don’t have to stop dreaming. I don’t want you to stop pursuing what you want. I’ll support you all the way and I believe in you.

And then I cried some more.

I want it that badly that sometimes I just ignore him.

I need to pursue it, in time, and I know he'll be there to back me up.

Thank you for making me realize that—my ego-booster, my sanity anchor, my best friend, my dear Kaia.

I love you so much Tatay and yes, we'll do it together this time.

Tagaytay yr08: Tatay's Birthday